My Answer to: "Is there a hope of being married to a good guy?"

"Is there a hope of being married to a good guy for a woman with no good family background or dysfunctional family background?" Thank you for such an honest and self-reflective question. My answer to your question is a resounding “yes,” there is hope. If more people asked such questions, they would likely be better off.

Unfortunately, what being raised in a dysfunctional family does is that it conditions the child to believe that their emotional yardstick is 2 ½ or 4 feet long, rather than the standard 3 feet. Often they will use coping mechanisms to survive, and may not come to the realization for many years that how they were raised wasn’t their fault. When this happens, we should be gentle with ourselves and simply attempt to get the help we need. We should also understand that we do not have to be the people we were in our past. We can learn new things, change, grow and pursue our future with a new understanding and self-awareness. Proverbs 4:7 (NIV) says: 7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. We cannot practice that which we have never learned. I would start with reading great relationship and marriage books. Hardly any of us were formally taught the things that books like these offer. Knowing better, will equip you to do better. Practicing what you learned over-time, will increase your knowledge, give you wisdom and growth. Although books are a great source of knowledge and wisdom, you may find that you require a more robust approach. If so, book an appointment with a mental healthcare professional to assist you in sorting out some of your challenges. Getting emotionally healthy is always a wise decision and will be a great help to you and your future. It will give you confidence and even help you select a better potential life-long partner. -John

The Benefits of Coaching

I have always been in favor of coaching for other people...not necessarily for me, until now. I have a saying, "The more that you try to do, the more help and tools that you will need."

I have been blessed with an amazing coach. She has wonderful ideas, asks me great questions and causes my imagination to fire and think of other ideas. History has proven that some of the most successful CEO's gather the smartest people around them. why? Because a collection of wise men can help you succeed. The Bible says this: Proverbs 15:22(NIV) Plans fall for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. If I were to be honest, people who won't consider getting help from a coach or otherwise, may be struggling with pride. At some point in our lives or another, we all will need help. The opposite of pride is humility. Humility is vital when you are seeking success because the kind of success that spans over generations will require God's blessing. Approaching anyone for help, especially God, will require humility. "Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5 (NIV). Although my coach and I discussed ideas, she wasn't shy to say the "hard" stuff. Truth be told, we all need to hear the "hard" stuff, meaning the things we don't want to hear or don't want to do or stop doing. Whether those words come from a professional life-coach, or innocent five year old we would benefit from listening. Instead of buying something that you will not likely use after three months, or get bored with, why not invest in yourself? Level up and get a coach. When you do, be painfully honest with them. It will be some of the best money you have spent especially in your coming new year. -John

My Answer to: How many are willing to say that you might need more work on your relationship skills, and why?

 It takes 10-14 years to become a medical doctor to practice medicine. It takes approximately 4 years to become a teacher.

It takes about 2-5 years to become a proficient crane operator. These folks will likely work 20-30 years in their chosen careers before they retire.

We learn more about our occupation than how to stay married long after we retire. Most people who get married, usually hope to have a loving 40–50-year relationship. They will likely want to have and raise children, send them to college and retire together in their old age. Yet, in today’s world, most have not read a single book on marriage and relationships. In the Bible, the book of Proverbs 4:7 (NIV) says: The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

Our generations before had different challenges than couples today. Information and disinformation are communicated in real-time; the overall pace of life is faster and more robust. We are finding that we must develop multiple skills to compete in the same marketplace that our parents only needed one skill.

That said, the core value and skills to have relationships are the same as they were in the 40s & 50s. Things like love, kindness, determination, commitment, loyalty, patience, compassion, and empathy. Due to our current culture, these things have been diluted and even disparaged which brings me to my question.

Over the years being married for over 23 years has thrust me into a desire to learn what makes relationships and marriage work. After reading more than 40 books on marriage and relationships and counting. I gently say that it is not just about reading but applying what you have learned that will make all the difference in your life. To date, I still have a desire to learn more. I would have avoided so many mistakes had just added this one element to my life as a young man. It is said people who are readers are usually easy to get along with and have a well-rounded view of life in general.

Imagine if everyone who was engaged to be married read just 5 books on marriage and relationships before getting married? Imagine the pain and anguish that they would avoid if they had learned simple principles that would make their relationship successful from the beginning?

I can attest that had I known then when I first got married what I know now, I would have waited to get married and would have developed more relationship tools in my toolbox before even dating. You cannot use what you have not learned. Learning what you do not know about marriage and relationships in books, audio books, videos, and podcasts is vital. Don’t think so? I challenge you to read just the first three books on my recommended reading list.

-John

My Answer to the Question: "Why is it hard for a man to marry you once you are staying together?"

 

Despite what modern-day women or feminists say, men are the prize, not women. It is a fact that there are more marriage-eligible women than men. More men refuse to marry in the current hostile marital climate making the number of marriage-eligible men even less.

This is likely due to the threat that 84% of all divorces are initiated by women, that the courts and child support system is biased against men, and that whether or not a wife cheats or files for divorce over the most ridiculous reasons, she will likely get half of everything they built during the marriage relationship. This transfer of the man's wealth is forced even though she likely brought very little in terms of assets into the relationship.

That said, he also may not be inclined to marry you because of how you allowed him to treat you. To be honest, men are hunters, and if you didn’t make him work for it, for him the hunt is over. One of the most exciting things about hunting is the challenge brought by the prey.

In the beginning, you probably wouldn’t have given him the time of day. You made him ask you on a date no less than three times before you accepted. When he got the date, the next challenge for him would be the first kiss. Perhaps weeks go by and he finally gets it!

Fast forward, a few dates later you two are behaving like a married couple, you moved in together (Mistake) even though there is no clear commitment, no ring, no date. This is a huge mistake. First marriage cannot be simulated. Second, there is no established committee to stay and work things out no matter what as in a real marital relationship. That said, as far as he’s concerned, he's got his prize. No need to pursue or hunt anymore. Now on to the next hunt. Unfortunately, whatever that is, you can believe, it’s not you anymore.

Ladies, the courting process is the only opportunity that you may have to make him value you and do so for life. If you treat yourself inexpensively, so will he. May I remind you that you are made in the image and likeness of God? It is true, we teach others how to treat us. Have him meet the parents and ask permission! This is still a time-honored tradition in many foreign countries to this day and one that can potentially save you tremendous pain and suffering. Parents have more experience with people and may likely see things that you may miss about your potential partner.

The obvious question may be: “What do men want in a wife? May I suggest as stated by the late Kevin Samuels, that men want women who are:

- Attractive

- Are cooperative, smart, and agreeable

- Fit

- Are affectionate, accommodating, subtle

- Are disciplined and discerning

-Feminine (Not strong and independent)

-Naturally nurturing

- Carefree, loving, easygoing

If this is not you, this could be the answer to your question. If this is so, I would start by reading great marriage and relationship books. You cannot use what you have not learned. If you have issues and know it, get therapy and work on yourself. If you are not fit, go to the gym, and get fit.

To be clear, the competition for a good man is high. There are already ladies that have done the work, who are fit, ready, and likely even younger than you who are competing for the same men. Raise your level to get the type of man that would be willing to marry you, in spite of all the reasons I mentioned that men are comfortable with. May I include offering to sign a prenup that may sweeten the deal if you are truly willing to enter into a marriage covenant for life?

In closing, this next piece of advice is hard. If he’s settled in and there is no sign of a marriage commitment after a year, have him move out into his own place. This time, if he wants you, make him earn you, and goodness sakes, do NOT sleep with him until after the wedding. Women in the past generations understood this principle and nearly all who wanted to be married got married. In best case scenario he will. Better case scenario, he leaves and someone else who is willing to earn you, will!

-John

"Kevin Samuels" - Farewell to An Effective Social Influencer

    By now you may have heard that YouTube Influencer Kevin Samuels has died. May I say to his family and dear friends that I am sorry for your loss. 

    Whatever your opinion of him, good, bad, or indifferent, it is without a doubt that he made an impact on the world. I did not know him like those in his immediate circle. I would have liked to have met him and had an intelligent discussion. It is apparent that those who did know him had great respect for him and his work. I will give my personal summary of him in this post.

    In my initial reaction to his disposition and approach to his many female guests, it was clear that he already had a notion of how the impending conversation was going to go. He would usually give the person (mostly women) an opportunity to state their position on the topic of choice or ask him a question. One of the most intriguing interactions was with a 43-year-old, attractive, elegant woman. The title of the video was "Candid Conversation with "Born Again Virgin" Christian Feminist."

    Mr. Samuels immediately took control of the conversation, as he usually does, and began to gently ask her questions. I was impressed by how patient and present they both were. Contrary to what many, especially women, have said about him, he started very patiently and then began to ask the pointed questions. He let her know that he was a Christian since a boy and appears to have a good handle on what the scripture says. This got my attention. What also captured my attention was the subsequent succinct questions that he followed up with. You can watch the video and make up your own conclusions. However, as you watch the conversation unfolds, it is my opinion that not many women could have stood up to the questions and scrutiny that she endured with such poise and patience.

    Mr. Samuels brings "front and center," the realities that women face who have believed the feminist agenda, worked their careers beyond their childbearing years, and are still unmarried. He has the kind of conversations with women that those who love them should have had. His further comments literally made me laugh out loud which is clearly his appeal to his audience.

    Suffice to say, his voice and his contribution to the dating and relationship space will always be valued, missed, and are still needed. I pray that his relationship with God has yielded his being welcomed in Heaven and I hope to meet him there. Again, my condolences to his family and friends and that we remember him for what he has done while he was with us. God bless you, sir.

-John

It's Happening! "Wormhole Moon II - Paradigm Shift" Is In Editing!

Hello Everyone!

    Thank you for reading my blog. I am very pleased to announce that Wormhole Moon has been a great success being my debut, Amazon 4.4-Star rated, Science Fiction novel. WHM II has entered the editing process. I have waited a very long time to get to the point and I give God all the praise and glory for it.

    I am so excited, I am going to post the first couple of paragraphs here, that's right, right here for your reading enjoyment! I want to thank all of you who have read my first book and have waited patiently for the second. I am grateful for that and I appreciate your patronage. Without further adieu, here are the first few paragraphs.

"Wormhole Moon II - Paradigm Shift," Chapter One

    The effectual alien harbingers of death are embedded in the cold hard Earth like they own it. They have now made the Antarctic their home. The environment is intolerably cold, brutal to naked skin, and wickedly savage to unprotected extremities. Swirling white snow blows over beautifully sculpted snow dunes, making shapes and designs as if by the hands of angels. Surely no one would find them here, or so they thought.

    There is neither sight nor sound of a human soul for one hundred miles. You could yell at the top of your voice and not be heard. Even in this isolated environment, there is not the slightest hint that over one hundred Chemdi-Shakahr (Chem-die Sha-car) are residing there in their half-buried cloaked spaceship. The Chemdi base ship is nestled in the hardened snow and ice of the remote, barren land in the southernmost part of Earth’s hemisphere.

    The base ship is a little over 1500 miles west of the United States Antarctic Program (USAP) base, McMurdo Station, and about 100 miles south of the subglacial Lake Vostok where the Chemdi identified an Earth outpost. The ship is strategically positioned, and to the Chemdi’s knowledge, their presence is so far undetected by the would-be slaves on Earth. Although the Chemdi is space travelers, they are also savage beasts, with their four powerful arms, webbed feet, and four fiery red eyes. [They clothe themselves in long cape-like robes of black adorned with what look like gold and silver-colored stoles as if they were royalty. They have declared themselves enemies of both Meritor and Earth, as directed by the Khorathians. The Khorathians are the leaders of this conflict and having an average age of nearly one thousand Earth years, manage it well. Meritor is Earth’s new and first alien ally. The highly intelligent and more advanced race fought together with Earth to defeat this enemy in their first battle. The Chemdi and their Khorathian leaders underestimated this alliance and will return to avenge their lost warriors. To that end, they will harass and cause the people of Earth to fear them before their second battle plans are complete.

    The Chemdi have observed the indigenous Earth wildlife, but nothing else so far. The ship’s commander is focused on accomplishing what is expected of him by Headquarters. A lone transport ship containing twelve Chemdi rises slowly in a creeping ascent from the -50° surface of the base ship’s deck. It flies through the force field disguising the base. The ship is carrying the supplies necessary for the Chemdi to establish a small stronghold in a secluded area of their choice. They seem to prefer secluded islands, but wildernesses will also do. Their forward reconnaissance team has done well; they know that the Earth is replete with secluded spaces, and they will put them to good use.

    The flight crew scans for enemy contacts, not expecting to find any. They have come to learn that creatures of Earth do not fly at night in this region. They see Earthlings as weak and petty. They have concluded that they tend to act out of fear. They also appear to behave as if they are the center of the universe. They are an arrogant and short-sighted race of beings that the Chemdi has come to despise...Except for one. Although a likely slave in their view, this individual has earned their respect. No other race of beings has disgraced them by destroying an entire ship brimming with Chemdi from the inside as the one they call the Long Weapon Warrior! This is their reference to Major Deon Striker. His heroic and seemingly impossible feat left a bitter taste in the mouths of the Chemdi-Shakahr and their leaders. They all know him by name and if given a chance, will kill him on sight.       

***   

    I hope that you enjoyed it so far. If you did, kindly leave a comment, suggestions, or feedback! I appreciate all who have supported me thus far. Additionally, your requests to make "Wormhole Moon" into a long-play feature film, have not fallen on deaf ears. I am believing for the funding necessary to shoot the two screenplays in succession. I kindly ask that you remember me in your prayers as well. Until next time, thank you again, and may God bless you all.

Kind regards,

-John

Looking for Super Fans

 Greetings all,

   "Wormhole Moon II" is completed. I need help to test whether or not I have something that is better than the first. 

    That said, I am looking for the following: 1) I am looking for those who have read the first book. 2) If you haven't read "Wormhole Moon," but are willing to be optimistic, you like the science fiction genre and won't mind signing an NDA so I can share the manuscript with you. 3) You are willing to read it through to give me a non-biased review.

    If you are interested, please email me at john.williams.author@gmail.com

    Thank you for your time and attention.

-John

A New Journey Begins

 Have you ever had a passion to do something that made your heart sing, but it didn’t make enough money to sustain you yet? I found myself in this position.

    After many years in a career that I loved at first until about 10 years ago (Aviation), I assessed the toll that it had taken on me and the distance I always had to be from my family. I needed to continue to work to maintain certain financial obligations so switching careers wasn’t really an option for me if I wanted to maintain my current income level. All the while at the same time, I was working on my dream to be an author and filmmaker during my days off.

    I wanted to find work near my home, but I knew that gainful employment, with the skill set that I have would take me 2 ½ hours away. I ended up being hired by the Navy about 45 minutes away. It was a wonderful experience as I attended their nine-month training program. I had the opportunity to meet some outstanding people that will be friends for life.

    Although I was making far below what I was used to, it was a steady job that brought in an income that I was grateful for. Even so all the while this dream of becoming a full-time author and filmmaker never left me, I would do what I have always done and worked it part-time. Every morning, I would pray and ask God to open doors of opportunity for me to be able to work it full-time, making a better income than I ever had.

    Fast forward to January 5^th, 2022. I was released from the program. In my heart, I already had a sense it was coming and started a project that would mitigate (my YouTube channel). As I now have all the time in the world to work on my own projects and learn many new things, I am completely invigorated! In the last 30 days, I have had to learn Canva, Adobe Premiere Pro, Shopify, how to create and edit my own videos, filmmaking, podcasting, Book bolt, how to create my own low-content books, etc. I feel that I am living the life that I want and the income that I desire will not only come but will exceed my expectations. It has been an exciting time.

    If you have a dream, and you are working a job that you dislike or even hate, pray. Things may not happen the way that you would like, but it is okay. It is simply a means to an expected end, and you start to live in a way that is more aligned with who you were created to be.

    In closing, no matter where our journey takes us, we still live in the backdrop of that which is eternal. Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) says: In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

-John

Are You a Bible Student? Learn More With John's Bible Study Channel

 Greetings Readers,

Thank you all for reading my posts. If you are looking for a Bible study to learn more about God and our Lord and Savior, would you consider John's Bible Study?

I share the word of God on YouTube. I also have a weekly live Bible Study every Wednesday night from 7-8 PM. You can find more information about this study here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/552307909264034

To view John's videos on YouTube, please go to the following link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsWtqbuxZQdqtNGoD1u3rVA

I appreciate your support and trust that you will enjoy the studies.

Kind regards,

John

My Answer to: I don't satisfy my wife. What do I do?

 Since your question is vague, I will simply assume that you are talking about the bedroom. I will again quote T. Harv Eker “If you are not getting the results that you want, all that means is there is something that you don’t know.”

How much do you really know about your wife and about intimacy? Are you curious about her? Do you study her and listen for the words that she doesn’t say? Are you effectively loving her? Are you too harsh with her? Not hitting each of these bases and being harsh with your wife can be intimacy killers. I give you Colossians 3:19 (AMPC) 19 Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.

She is YOUR wife. Filling her need to be wanted and valued by you is important and should never be neglected. You are her only source for these things. Husbands who do NOT fill these gaps, open their relationships up to trouble. I'd like to share three points that may help you.

1) Wives Need Love and Plenty of Reassurance – Your attitude towards her is about 85% of her allowing you to please her. Taking ownership of your deliberate effort to love her is vital and your responsibility. Many won't tell you this, but women need constant reassurance that you love them, that they are special and attractive to you, and that you love and want them, just because. If you have not been "ministering" these things to your wife, it would be wise to start today.

The Bible primarily notes that love is a verb, something that we do. It is broken down here in detail in “The Passion Translation” in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (TPT) 4 Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. 5 Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. 6 Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. 7 Love is a safe place of shelter. for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. 8 Love never stops loving.

Loving your wife always benefits you both. Never forget this.

2) The Mechanics Matter - Although women all have the same body parts, what might turn one person on, may turn off another. Understanding that you can learn a variety of techniques to find out what that is for your wife. There is a valuable men’s resource called “She Comes First” by doctor and author Ian Kerner. He expertly educates men on their wives ’ bodies and gives them the knowledge to step up their intimacy game. Let this be your continual operator’s manual for your beloved.

3) Start Early - Great bedroom intimacy starts days, even weeks before the blessed event. When was the last time you took her on a date similar to when you were first dating? She still needs that. You are “her” man and she still wants you to make her feel special. It will also give her something to tell her girlfriends about!

Do you know her love languages? What does “love” mean for her? For example, if “Quality Time” is one of her major love languages, and you are spending too much time with the guys, on hobby’s, etc. clearly, she may not be engaging in the bedroom. I mentioned one of the love languages. You should make the effort to learn about all five. I recommend Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, “Five Love Languages.” Read it and learn.

When you start speaking her language and pair it with your new knowledge of how her body works, you might have the tools and potential to become her bedroom hero!

-John