My Reply to Mr. Harvey's Answer to "What Does She Bring to the Table?"

 We have all seen celebrity authors become topic experts. Their books are usually vetted for errors and scrubbed to ensure their data is correct before publication. Interviews are another matter. When asked such a question requiring an opinion, these can be a goldmine to make news, or go viral for the interviewer. However they could be terrible for the interviewee. I came to this conclusion as I read the scathing comments in this particular Instagram post.

However, if I were Mr. Harvey, I might have kept this answer short so as not to misinform people. Additionally, the media establishment, whether through their many TV shows, films, tabloid magazines we see at the supermarket, or interviews as we see here, almost always portrays a flawed perspective regarding the context of marriage and precisely the origin of the woman's role. Yes, I said "role.' This word is tantamount to profanity in feminist circles, but I don't care what they say or think. I will explain this later in this article.

As an Ordained Elder, minister of Christ, and fellow author, I make it my business to research, study, thoroughly understand, and teach what the Bible says in context about one topic or another. Therefore, I will weigh in on this question and reply.

The question: "What do you bring to the table?" is often asked by women towards men when discussing the topic of dating or marriage. Men understand why it is being asked, and they simply answer it.

This question is usually met with great disdain when asked from men to women. Why is this? Men are expected to do many things over and above just being a male in a relationship, as they should. The words "husband and father" have a long list of things they mean. Shouldn't it also apply to women? Why should only their gender be enough? I disagree with this notion. I believe women should have to bring to "the table" more than just the fact that they are women. Competence should apply here as well. You might gain more clarity from reading about the Proverbs 31 woman in the book of Proverbs, Chapter 31, verses 10-31.

God was the creator of Adam, Eve, and marriage. God designed Eve to bring companionship and be a helpmate for Adam. Child rearing was only one part of her designed function. We can find this in the Bible in the book of Genesis 2:20-22.

Genesis 20-22 (NIV) 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky, and all the wild animals. But for Adam, no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

If you go to the "Strong's Concordance" and look up the word "helper," you will find the Hebrew word "succor." In the Etymology Dictionary, this word means aid, help, a helping hand, assistance, ministration, comfort, ease, relief, support, guidance, backing, or easement. 

As we can see, Eve was more than just the bearer of children. Her first ministry was to her husband. Mr. Harvey has done very well for himself, and he is a world-class comedian. However, concerning this topic, he is wrong. This is why when it comes to such matters, the Bible declares that we should study it for ourselves so that we cannot be misled, even deceived, 2 Timothy 2:15 (KJV) 15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

In closing, regardless of the indoctrination of feminist policies and agendas in every aspect of our society, no one escapes the requirement to be competent. Although many women find this question rude, unnecessary, and even combative, statistics today reveal that 34% of married men are raising children that are not biologically theirs. They reveal that women cheat far more than men, and initiate 84% of all divorces, and 94% if they are college educated. I find the question: "What do you bring to the table?" to be relevant indeed. 

-John

My Answer to: What are the benefits of getting legally married instead of just living together as partners for life without going through all the hassle of paperwork and ceremonies etc.?

There are Biblical reasons why marriage is an excellent choice and terrible reasons why you shouldn't consider it if you plan to live in the United States. I will share my humble opinion.

Marriage versus living together are NOT the same. Marriage can not be simulated. Marriage is recognized and ordained by God Himself. He watches over it, blesses it, and the marriage covenant is considered a form of government as far as He is concerned. God's recognition of your marriage as a government, can yield "government' like blessings, recognition and generational blessings and stability.

Living together is none of these things and if you're having sex outside of marriage, He considers that fornication, which prevents Him from blessing you and your partner. This is not His best for you.

Any man and woman who are considering marriage, must first put away any notion of what modern society teaches, portrays in TV, films, magazines, and the education system concerning what marriage is and isn't. Why? Because society, filmmakers, article writers, and network TY producers did not create marriage. Thus their notions and advice are irrelevant.

Any couple should thoroughly examine and understand the origin of marriage in the context of Biblical principles. Why? Because God created it for a specific purpose.

If you do not know that purpose, you will likely be unaware and probably marry for the wrong reasons. As a result, you both live frustrated lives and eventually divorce.

Secondly, if your intentions were to begin with the end in mind, you won't get married only to divorce. 

Most people who desire marriage do not educate themselves before getting engaged. Reading relevant books, listening to audiobooks and watching relevant videos would be vitally helpful to you and your relationship. The following are the benefits.

Exclusivity, companionship, emotional safety, and care - God created marriage for companionship, Genesis 2:18 (NIV) 18 The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

The word "suitable": in this context is the Hebrew word "need." which means:  in front of, in sight of, or opposite to. In this context, opposite means two complementary or mutually exclusive (limited to only one person or group of people). The word mutual means: In a mutual manner, reciprocally, in a manner of giving and receiving (Cambridge Dictionary).

So you can see, from the beginning, marriage was designed for companionship and care to be mutually shared by a specific and exclusive person. This provides for emotional safety, comfort, security, and care.

The husband receives the blessing of God on his life and household - Proverbs 18:22 (NIV) 22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

God desires to bless you and your family. If you follow His direction and instructions, you open the ability for God to bless you, your family, and everything you do and have. You can see exactly what this means in Deuteronomy 28:1-14.

You are in covenant with God and your spouse, God becomes a witness in your marriage, He blesses you with children (a bloodline), to be raised in Godly principles - Malachi 2:13-16 (NIV) 13 Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, "Why?" It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

15 Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.

16 "The man who hates and divorces his wife," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "does violence to the one he should protect," says the Lord Almighty.

So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

We see the term covenant in Genesis 9:13 when God promises with a covenant, a solemn oath never to destroy the Earth with water again. According to the King James Bible, the oath requires one to "do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth." Adhering to covenant principals protects your bloodline, stabilizes the family, and establishes standards for your generations to follow.

If you are a person of integrity and faith and have chosen a partner that shares your same values, your life and marriage will be blessed. It will last its intended term, which in the Biblical context is for life. A life like this is hard to beat. 

The following comment is for men. According to published statistics, women are now cheating more than men. For example, 34% of husbands are raising children that are not biologically their own, and women initiate 84% of all divorces in the United States. This number jumps to 94% if college educated. 

Women are favored by the courts so men lose terribly in most divorces. The man's accumulated wealth is redistributed by biased judges. Wives often win even if they cheated in their marriages. The child support system provides great wealth for the states so it is to their benefit to put men in the system. 

Additionally, women are also favored by the courts when it comes to child custody. Men are having to fight in the courts to see their own children.

As of this writing, if you happen to live in the United States, and due to the indoctrination of feminism in nearly every area of society, finding a wife with traditional Biblical values will likely be challenging. Therefore, I suggest going overseas, where you are most likely to find partners with traditional family values that you can marry for life. Marry her in her own country and live there. I would not consider bringing her to the United States only to be negatively influenced.

What are your thoughts about this? Please leave your comments below.

-John

My Answer to: What are some tips for having a productive conversation with your spouse without getting into arguments?

 I would start with the wisdom of the Bible in the book of James. James 1:19-20 (NIV) says: 19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

The word "righteousness" means "right standing with God." Since you used the word "spouse," it lets me know that at some point in your past, you and your spouse stood before a priest or officiant and entered into a marriage covenant before God. You did so to please God, and your vows were the scope by which you would do so.

I would also practice "active listening" versus "passive listening." It is a better way to have a conversation and will significantly assist you in developing and maintaining your marriage.

Active listening and James' advice are excellent ways of showing your love for your husband and being in right standing before God. When I say "love," I am talking about 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV) love: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

Touching while talking is an effective non-verbal way of letting your spouse know that you love them, no matter the difficulty of the topic. This can be done by simply touching their leg, shoulder, hand etc.

I would also become an avid learner about marriage and relationships. Reading great books can fast-track your progress. There is so much to learn, and the results will stabilize your relationship in an unexpected way.

-John