Proverbs 4:7 (NIV) says: 7 The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
The greatest one is: 1) Many people do not get wisdom or understanding about intimate relationships and marriage before getting into them. The next two are significant as well. 2) That submitting yourself to another person and committing to a marital relationship demands that you die to yourself and do all that is humanly possible to maintain it. (Ephesians 5:21). 3) That both husbands and wives have the responsibility to protect the marriage, your spouse, and their wellbeing at all times, especially when they are not in your presence.
1)Wisdom and Understanding - We cannot do well, what we have not learned. Preparation is vital in camping, going on a hike, doing anything difficult that you have not successfully done before. Relationships and marriage are vital life events. You will need to learn what to do, why you are doing it, and when.
2)Dying to oneself requires a fierce commitment, humility, mindfulness, consideration, faithfulness and loyalty.
Commitment - I am talking the very same that you committed to your spouse on the day of your wedding-covenant. In other words, when you wake up in the morning, you replay the commitment that you made to your spouse before and after you said your vows… as if it were the first time.
Humility - Humility is a mindset that is soberly modest, and knows that you do not deserve all the good things that God richly gave you, but has done so anyway, including your spouse. Bless God for his grace and mercy by honoring the "gift" of a spouse He has given to you.
Mindfulness & Consideration - Are deliberate acts. You make yourself aware of your surroundings and the ones that you love. You remember that “love” is a verb in thought, word and deed: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV) 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
Faithfulness and loyalty - Are two sides of the same coin. The definitions are: Faithfulness - 1) steadfast in affection or allegiance: Loyal. 2) firm in adherence to promised or in observance of duty: Conscientious. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
Loyalty - the quality or state or an instance of being loyal. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary).
What stands out for me in these two definitions is the attribute of being steadfast and adherence to a promise or in observance of duty.
Being steadfast is an attribute that is taught and developed over time. I was taught not just with words but by observing my mom and dad. Yes, they had their flaws as we all do, but I observed them keeping their word to us and other people even to the point of their own inconvenience. As adults we can teach ourselves the same, one moment, one hour, one day at a time. In short, live a life of integrity no matter what anyone says.
3) Protecting each other as husbands and wives should be a very basic trait but clearly it is not. Men are taught very young to protect the weak and those who cannot protect themselves. Women have this natural trait when it comes to protecting their children.
Dare I say that a slight adjustment may be needed? The Bible teaches that God’s purpose for marriage is Godly offspring (Malachi 2:15-16). It has also been established through statistical analysis that the best environment in which to raise a child is within a two parent home, in the context of scripture. That said, both wife and husband need to protect each other from negative outside influences. What do I mean?
We are given direction from the book of Philippians 4:8 (KJV) Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
The proper protection of one’s marriage and family stems from these words. Your “Thought Life” can keep you on the straight and narrow, or it can take you down. Be mindful of your thoughts. If they are not what they should be, quickly change them. The choice is yours. I kindly recommend that you choose the kinds of thoughts that benefit your life.
The onslaught of negative Films, TV shows, biased publications that inaccurately depict the nature of men, that degrade men, fathers, and the “rightful” place of father’s in the home. These need to be avoided by mothers who consume such content as likely her girlfriends that additionally raise their children in a home that exposes them to the same.
Most of the content on TV, in magazines, etc. do not promote what Philippians 4:8 says. It is deliberate.
The research is readily available concerning the staggering divorce statistics and by those who initiate divorce the most. That said, just as a couple should be faithful not to commit adultery, they should also be faithful to protect their own eyes, ears, mind, and heart from content that will lead them astray. The result is likely the compromise of their own hearts, thus leading to events that eventually will compromise their own relationships and marriage. Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) states: 23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
In closing, recognizing and dealing with such aspects is not an easy task. This likely takes more discipline than most people are willing to admit to and give, but it can be developed over time with prayer and effort if one is willing. This is the unspoken part of the marriage conversation that is rarely discussed and nowadays, rarely consistently practiced. However, wisdom, understanding, dying to oneself, and protection are vital elements in a successful long-term relationship, if you dare.
God loves His children and wants us to succeed. We do not have to navigate relationships and marriage without the necessary help, guidance and instructions. I encourage you to pray, study what the Bible says about many other topics that will affect your relationships and marriage. I encourage you to read great books on marriage and relationships and develop yourself into a partner that He and you would be proud of.
-John
