My Recommended Reading List For Books on Marriage & Relationships

 I am a "Quora" writer and I often recommend marriage and relationship books that have literally changed my life. The following books have changed my perspective of marriage and relationships and have made me a better person and partner. Here are my top recommendations:

1) “Love And Respect” - Dr. Emerson Eggerichs; This was the first marriage and relationship book that blew me away. It was the first book that opened my mind as to how messed up I was in the treatment of my wife. As I practiced what I learned, things got better and in some cases, a whole lot better. Dr. Eggerichs does a great job at explaining in plain language so even a child could understand.

2) “The 5 Love Languages” – Dr. Gary Chapman; You may not have given it much thought but each of us have our own "Love Language." If you never knew this, this is an awesome book to help you understand yourself and your wife's love language.

3) “When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right With Those You Love” – Dr. Gary Chapman, Jennifer M. Thomas; As mentioned before, we all not only have our own love language but our own apology language as well. This is a great book that compliments "The 5 Love Languages."

4) “Communication Miracles For Couples:" Easy and Effective Tools To Create More Love and Less Conflict” – Jonathan Robinson; This is a brilliant book to read together. You can take one paragraph or a page at a time and discuss it.

5) “For Women Only” – Shaunti Feldhahn; This is a book that decodes men for women. It gives them a "birds eye" view of why men think and act the way they do. It is a must-read.

6) “For Men Only” - Shaunti Feldhahn and Jeff Feldhahn; Men, if you ever wanted to open the top of your spouse's head to look inside to see what's going on in there, this is the book for you. It explains the things you always wanted to know about how women think, like why she has to make the bed before leaving the house and so much more. You should read "For Women Only" also.

7) “Trading Places” – Les & Leslie Parrott; Sometimes, couples are so engulfed with their own world, that they rarely imagine what their spouse's world is like. This book helps couples see and internalize their partner's world. After all, the goal of effective communication is to gain understanding. Once you fully understand, you will be able to reply and respond better to your partner.

8) “The Art of Loving” - Erich Fromm; I found that this gem of a book breaks down loving another person in a way rarely thought of or discussed. We all think we know how to love our spouses, family, friends, or people in general. This book takes you deeper and challenges you to make your love for your spouse, an art form.

9) “Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work” - Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning; Becoming an effective couple is a skill set. There are "core" things that all couples should be doing to be a couple and to even level up.

10) "Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship" - Stan Tatkin PsyD, does a wonderful job revealing the secrets of the brain and how it can help or hurt us in the context of relationships. It can be technical sometimes but always great information that will help you to understand yourself and your partner.

11) “Boundaries In Marriage” Dr. Henry Cloud & John Townsend; Sports teams, Special Forces teams, Flight Crewmembers, construction workers, and chefs all have boundaries when working together. Without them, there is chaos. Effective relationships are no different and this book clearly helps in this regard.

12) “The 17 Essential Qualities of A Team Player” – John Maxwell; Pick any professional sport, and you will find those who are professional athletes are likely in the 3% of all in the country, even the world. Talent is just the beginning. They must now learn to work as a team to complete and especially to be champions. Some couples do not realize that they are a team. Hence, they need to read this book.

13) “9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life: A Psychologist Learns from His Patients What Really Works and What Doesn't” – Dr. Henry Cloud; If you cannot master yourself, you will find that you will only arise to a certain level even with a spouse. You need to be able to succeed for yourself first before you can be of help to anyone else. A must-read.

14) "Extreme Ownership" - by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin; These former Navy Seals lay down some serious verbal fire with this book. Believe it or not, CEOs, Vice Presidents, and Directors of companies will place blame, pass the buck, and will not own their stuff when it comes to their own mistakes. A difficult or failed marriage has the potential to wreck you physically, spiritually, and emotionally, not to mention your children (if you have them), family and friends. Your attitude and the choices that you make will determine your outcome. Being a Christian, veteran, and father, I have learned a lot from their book in more ways than one.

15) “The Like Switch” – Jack Schafer, Ph.D. with Marvin Karlins Ph.D.; Written by a former FBI Agent, he explains techniques that will be useful in life and certainly with a spouse. We're not always going to be on our "A" game. Knowing what to do to get back in the graces of anyone is a skill worth learning.

16) "Effective Prayers for Your Future Spouse - A Daily Devotional" - John Williams; Yes, this is my contribution to help couples develop a time of prayer and reflection on marriage as they are walking their journey to the marriage altar. I share and clearly explain in a thirty-one-day devotional, some key marital concepts based on Biblical text that parents, pastors, and pre-marriage counselors may not have told you. This is a great resource and is offered in an audiobook version as well.

17) "The Good News About Marriage - Debunking Discouraging Myths About Marriage and Divorce" - Shaunti Feldhahn; Shaunti does it again with great insight based on her research on marriage. She dashes to the ground the many long-held myths about marriage held by most people. This is a gem and a very informative read if you are considering getting married now, or in the future.

I have read these and many more books on marriage and relationships (about 40+). I learned so much and could now correct the things that I did wrong. When we know better, we have an opportunity to do better.

I hope this list and commentary were helpful for you. Kindly read them for yourself. After doing so, you can then recommend them to friends and family. They are less costly than counseling and if you practice what you have learned, you may rarely if ever need it.

Full Disclosure: Each of the links includes my affiliate Amazon link. This means that you will be supporting me and my blog by purchasing any of the books I recommend from this site. Thank you in advance for your support.

-John

Happy Thanksgiving!

I remember as a little boy waking up to the smell of turkey first thing in the morning. I would come downstairs and greet my mom good morning. She would still be cooking something on the stove to go with the Thanksgiving Day feast.

My brothers and sisters would gather around the TV to watch the "Macy's" Thanksgiving Day parade. Manhatten was literally thirty minutes away from our home but I hated the cold weather and was happy to watch from home.

My parents would always invite people over for dinner. It might be my Uncle Tommy from South Jersey, a fellow Pastor, or my Aunt Letty. We didn't particularly like our Aunt Letty, bless her soul, because she would curse every now and again and yell at us kids for no apparent reason. At the same time, she was always the life of the party. We never knew what she was going to say next.

We all have those crazy Uncles or family members that don't march to the same beat as us. Nevertheless, let's give God thanks for them. No matter our opinion or perspective, God created them for His special purpose on this Earth as well. 

In our blessing for the food, let us remember those who are serving in the military around the world, our first responders, and those who are working today. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving.

-John

"What Is So Special About “Wormhole Moon?”

 As a passionate Science Fiction author, I care about the story and all the things that capture the imagination of Sci-Fi readers and will hopefully hold their attention.  

What I feel is special about the “Wormhole Moon” series is that it was planned to be a series and film from the beginning. That said, the characters are well developed with interesting character arcs. As they interact with each other, their relationships grow over the course of time. 

You are pushed forward in time by fifty years. Technology that is in its infancy now, you will see used routinely. Additionally, each character has an interesting past that is not revealed all at once. As you see them challenged, they will grow, and new aspects of their personality begin to emerge.

There are also outstanding group dynamics within the various organizations. The pressures of new challenges and the pushing of their regulated boundaries cause them to adjust and flex in ways that previously had not have been required before. That said, new leaders are required to step up to the challenges as old ones are promoted.

There are professional relationships, friendships, and marriages that will be tested. Rich friendships grow and others are no more. You may feel the pain and loss as the characters do.

The weapons of the ships, military vehicles, transportation, etc. are those never seen before in film. Since our new friends from Meritor have come, their technology has been a great help to the world as you will see in the book.

Finally, “Wormhole Moon” adds a spiritual aspect to Science Fiction that you do not normally see. I is well woven in all three books and it is part of some of the culture of the characters.

Indeed, the book is unique, and I thank all of my readers for giving it a chance to be included in your library. 

John Williams

My Answer to the Question: "What are the signs that your spouse needs more attention from you?"

 It isn’t one-size-fits-all. Some people will withdraw when they need attention, while others will be very vocal. This is what I suggest.

1) Don’t Wait for Your Spouse to Tell You – If you have been busy on a Saturday and you haven’t engaged with your spouse on a meaningful level by noon, this is your moment. If he has been sitting on the living room couch watching TV or reading the paper, gently walk over and sit across his lap! What husband could resist? Men need to feel that their wives still want them and love their wives to be playful.

Guys, same thing, during the week or weekend, she’s in the garden or doing something in the den, walk up behind her, squeeze her tight, and kiss her on the neck like you used to do when you were dating. Switch things up sometimes. Let her know that she’s still your girl!

2) Routine is The Enemy of Spontaneity – Couples often get in a rut because they allow it. Don’t allow it. Book a bed & breakfast get-a-way. Perhaps you have a limited budget, so have a deli make you a picnic basket or make it yourself. Plan a great location and check the weather. Hide the basket in the back of the car and bring a nice blanket to set the moment. When they are looking so surprised and ask, “Hey, what is this for?” Simply reply, “Just because.” Taking a little bit of time to share a special moment with your spouse can be precious.

3) Knowing Is Better Than Guessing – By now, you should know your spouse's “love languages.” If you don’t, I highly recommend the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman. The attention I mentioned before is great and needful, but what good is it if you are not speaking your spouse’s love language every day?

Ladies perhaps on the weekend your husband plays with that old car in the garage... again. You don't like greasy old cars, and you feel his hobby steals time away from you. He may know that but it may be his way of relaxing and taking his mind off things (His Yoga). You may have even complained about it a little.

This time, put on your old jeans, roll up your sleeves, and bring him a cold glass of lemonade. Ask him what he's doing and show a genuine interest. He might be surprised at first and explains. You decide to hang out with him as he shows off his mechanical expertise. You even hand him a wrench or two. It won't be long before you’re both having a real conversation. Each time it gets easier. Before you know it, he's taking you out on a date again and your love is growing. What changed? You began speaking HIS love language "Quality Time."

Now for the guys, perhaps you are the type of person that is quiet, and you don’t say much. Your spouse likes to talk and may talk enough for you both. Maybe that is because one of her top-three love languages is “Words of Affirmation.” If this is true, say more words of affirmation to your spouse… Ex. “Hon, I may not say this as often as I should, but I really appreciate it when you do…” or “Hon I appreciate your skill in making the front of our house look so beautiful. Those flowers really make it stand out.”

Make sure your words are genuine and sincere. It is NOT about YOU right now. HER love language is “Words of Affirmation” and try to speak it as often as possible.

As you read the book, you will find out other love languages that your spouse may have. I encourage that you read it together and practice what you've learned. It has the potential to change your marriage in a big way.

To read more articles like these, kindly visit John's Quora page.

-John