It takes 10-14 years to become a medical doctor to practice medicine. It takes approximately 4 years to become a teacher.
We learn more about our occupation than how to stay married long after we retire. Most people who get married, usually hope to have a loving 40–50-year relationship. They will likely want to have and raise children, send them to college and retire together in their old age. Yet, in today’s world, most have not read a single book on marriage and relationships. In the Bible, the book of Proverbs 4:7 (NIV) says: The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
Our generations before had different challenges than couples today. Information and disinformation are communicated in real-time; the overall pace of life is faster and more robust. We are finding that we must develop multiple skills to compete in the same marketplace that our parents only needed one skill.
That said, the core value and skills to have relationships are the same as they were in the 40s & 50s. Things like love, kindness, determination, commitment, loyalty, patience, compassion, and empathy. Due to our current culture, these things have been diluted and even disparaged which brings me to my question.
Over the years being married for over 23 years has thrust me into a desire to learn what makes relationships and marriage work. After reading more than 40 books on marriage and relationships and counting. I gently say that it is not just about reading but applying what you have learned that will make all the difference in your life. To date, I still have a desire to learn more. I would have avoided so many mistakes had just added this one element to my life as a young man. It is said people who are readers are usually easy to get along with and have a well-rounded view of life in general.
Imagine if everyone who was engaged to be married read just 5 books on marriage and relationships before getting married? Imagine the pain and anguish that they would avoid if they had learned simple principles that would make their relationship successful from the beginning?
I can attest that had I known then when I first got married what I know now, I would have waited to get married and would have developed more relationship tools in my toolbox before even dating. You cannot use what you have not learned. Learning what you do not know about marriage and relationships in books, audio books, videos, and podcasts is vital. Don’t think so? I challenge you to read just the first three books on my recommended reading list.
-John
