I am a "Quora" writer and I often recommend marriage and relationship books that have literally changed my life. The following books have changed my perspective of marriage and relationships and have made me a better person and partner. Here are my top recommendations:
1) “Love And Respect” - Dr. Emerson Eggerichs; This was the first marriage and relationship book that blew me away. It was the first book that opened my mind as to how messed up I was in the treatment of my wife. As I practiced what I learned, things got better and in some cases, a whole lot better. Dr. Eggerichs does a great job at explaining in plain language so even a child could understand.
2) “The 5 Love Languages” – Dr. Gary Chapman; You may not have given it much thought but each of us have our own "Love Language." If you never knew this, this is an awesome book to help you understand yourself and your wife's love language.
3) “When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right With Those You Love” – Dr. Gary Chapman, Jennifer M. Thomas; As mentioned before, we all not only have our own love language but our own apology language as well. This is a great book that compliments "The 5 Love Languages."
4) “Communication Miracles For Couples:" Easy and Effective Tools To Create More Love and Less Conflict” – Jonathan Robinson; This is a brilliant book to read together. You can take one paragraph or a page at a time and discuss it.
5) “For Women Only” – Shaunti Feldhahn; This is a book that decodes men for women. It gives them a "birds eye" view of why men think and act the way they do. It is a must-read.
6) “For Men Only” - Shaunti Feldhahn and Jeff Feldhahn; Men, if you ever wanted to open the top of your spouse's head to look inside to see what's going on in there, this is the book for you. It explains the things you always wanted to know about how women think, like why she has to make the bed before leaving the house and so much more. You should read "For Women Only" also.
7) “Trading Places” – Les & Leslie Parrott; Sometimes, couples are so engulfed with their own world, that they rarely imagine what their spouse's world is like. This book helps couples see and internalize their partner's world. After all, the goal of effective communication is to gain understanding. Once you fully understand, you will be able to reply and respond better to your partner.
8) “The Art of Loving” - Erich Fromm; I found that this gem of a book breaks down loving another person in a way rarely thought of or discussed. We all think we know how to love our spouses, family, friends, or people in general. This book takes you deeper and challenges you to make your love for your spouse, an art form.
9) “Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship Work” - Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning; Becoming an effective couple is a skill set. There are "core" things that all couples should be doing to be a couple and to even level up.
10) "Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship" - Stan Tatkin PsyD, does a wonderful job revealing the secrets of the brain and how it can help or hurt us in the context of relationships. It can be technical sometimes but always great information that will help you to understand yourself and your partner.
11) “Boundaries In Marriage” Dr. Henry Cloud & John Townsend; Sports teams, Special Forces teams, Flight Crewmembers, construction workers, and chefs all have boundaries when working together. Without them, there is chaos. Effective relationships are no different and this book clearly helps in this regard.
12) “The 17 Essential Qualities of A Team Player” – John Maxwell; Pick any professional sport, and you will find those who are professional athletes are likely in the 3% of all in the country, even the world. Talent is just the beginning. They must now learn to work as a team to complete and especially to be champions. Some couples do not realize that they are a team. Hence, they need to read this book.
13) “9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life: A Psychologist Learns from His Patients What Really Works and What Doesn't” – Dr. Henry Cloud; If you cannot master yourself, you will find that you will only arise to a certain level even with a spouse. You need to be able to succeed for yourself first before you can be of help to anyone else. A must-read.
14) "Extreme Ownership" - by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin; These former Navy Seals lay down some serious verbal fire with this book. Believe it or not, CEOs, Vice Presidents, and Directors of companies will place blame, pass the buck, and will not own their stuff when it comes to their own mistakes. A difficult or failed marriage has the potential to wreck you physically, spiritually, and emotionally, not to mention your children (if you have them), family and friends. Your attitude and the choices that you make will determine your outcome. Being a Christian, veteran, and father, I have learned a lot from their book in more ways than one.
15) “The Like Switch” – Jack Schafer, Ph.D. with Marvin Karlins Ph.D.; Written by a former FBI Agent, he explains techniques that will be useful in life and certainly with a spouse. We're not always going to be on our "A" game. Knowing what to do to get back in the graces of anyone is a skill worth learning.
16) "Effective Prayers for Your Future Spouse - A Daily Devotional" - John Williams; Yes, this is my contribution to help couples develop a time of prayer and reflection on marriage as they are walking their journey to the marriage altar. I share and clearly explain in a thirty-one-day devotional, some key marital concepts based on Biblical text that parents, pastors, and pre-marriage counselors may not have told you. This is a great resource and is offered in an audiobook version as well.
17) "The Good News About Marriage - Debunking Discouraging Myths About Marriage and Divorce" - Shaunti Feldhahn; Shaunti does it again with great insight based on her research on marriage. She dashes to the ground the many long-held myths about marriage held by most people. This is a gem and a very informative read if you are considering getting married now, or in the future.
I have read these and many more books on marriage and relationships (about 40+). I learned so much and could now correct the things that I did wrong. When we know better, we have an opportunity to do better.
I hope this list and commentary were helpful for you. Kindly read them for yourself. After doing so, you can then recommend them to friends and family. They are less costly than counseling and if you practice what you have learned, you may rarely if ever need it.
Full Disclosure: Each of the links includes my affiliate Amazon link. This means that you will be supporting me and my blog by purchasing any of the books I recommend from this site. Thank you in advance for your support.
-John
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