My Answer to: "What or who is your source of sorrow? My husband makes me so sad and life unbearable."

 May I gently say that no one can make you feel one way or another? May I also say that you are choosing to feel how you feel. Could it be that are unknowingly giving your husband too much of your personal power? We will always be impacted by one thing or another. It is up to us, how we choose to respond, not react, to it.

Sorrow can also come from what you are exposing yourself to the most. Perhaps you are watching many hours of TV, movies, or reading romance novels? Whatever troubles that you have, will likely only be amplified by spending too much time partaking of these things. Perhaps you need some wisdom. I present to you; Proverbs 4:7 (CEB) 7 The beginning of wisdom: Get wisdom! Get understanding before anything else.

The same text that governs your marriage also has great suggestions on how to govern your thoughts. In the Bible, the book of Philippians says in chapter 4, verse 8 (NIV), 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I would kindly recommend that you consider improving yourself. The reason I say this, initially, many of us look outwardly when trying to analyze a problem. We might first consider starting with ourselves. May I ask, when was the last time you read a great marriage and relationship book, or attended a marriage seminar with your husband?

There are many great books, audiobooks, podcasts, and seminars that can show you different aspects, and best practices of love and relationships. Many seminars are even interactive. Sometimes we need to be impacted by better and more information than we have. It can give us opportunities for growth and great insight that we otherwise would not have been exposed to.

Why do you need this? We often have ingrained perceptions and stay within a certain circle of people. Thus, we get same kind of input. A fresh perspective can be refreshing, even vitally important. Our own actions or inactions, diet, lack of exercise, lack of water intake may contribute to your emotional state as well. I gently prompt you to start with a concise self-assessment.

In conclusion, you also said that you felt as if your life was unbearable. A change in afore mentioned things may be great for you and your daughter. As for your husband, while things are in the process of moving in the right direction, kindly choose to “love” your husband. The stance of scripture says that love is NOT primarily a feeling but a “verb,” something that we do. 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (CEB) 4 Love is patient, love is kind, it isn’t jealous, it doesn’t brag, it isn’t arrogant, 5 it isn’t rude, it doesn’t seek its own advantage, it isn’t irritable, it doesn’t keep a record of complaints, 6 it isn’t happy with injustice, but it is happy with the truth. 7 Love puts up with all things, trusts in all things, hopes for all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.

-John

Don't Ignore Your Body, You Might Get Only One Opportunity

 This is a true story that I hope helps even one person. Last Tuesday, I woke up about 2:00 AM in the morning to go to the restroom. I felt nauseous and the bathroom seemed to be spinning. I struggled to make it back to my bedroom, clinging to the walls and my furniture as I entered. I sat on the edge of the bed.

I felt nauseous and began to vomit in the trash can. I began feeling a tingling in my right hand, down my arm, right leg to my foot. I was thinking that a nap won't fix this. I was alone so I called my cousin who lives up the road. God bless him, he said that he would be right over, and never complained once.

After arriving at the hospital, they tested, took blood, but at the end of it all, nothing was found. I heard words like mini stroke, pinched nerve, etc. As my cousin was driving me home, I began to reflect on what I just experienced. 

To give you perspective, the following was my life before this event. I would wake up in the morning at 2:30-3:00 AM in the morning. I would pray, answer messages, emails and articles for about an hour. I would then write music charts and practice from 7:00 AM to 5:00 PM. I am aware that my work isn't physically taxing. However, the mental energy required to do these tasks can be intense. I was at this for weeks.

In short, I wasn't giving my mind a break, never took time for fun or relaxation. Taking time to decompress your mind is important and is not an option. What good is achieving goals if you do not have the health to enjoy your successes with your family and the one's that you love? 

Don't do what I did. I count myself fortunate that it wasn't a worse health situation for me. Reconsider your pace and how much time you spend working. You don't want to regret not taking the time needed to care for your mental state and health. Take care of it like you do the most perceived important things in your life.

-John

Don't Get Tired of Doing Good - It Will Pay Off

 There are times in our lives when we feel feel like it has become routine. It may appear that we are doing the same thing everyday, while seemingly not making any progress, or as much progress that we desire. It can feel disappointing at times. As a Christian, I am reminded of the scripture passage in Galatians 6:9 (NIV) 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

I looked up the word "well-doing (in doing good)," in the original Greek. It means: beautiful, but chiefly good, i.e. Valuable or virtuous.

What a description that is! Did you know that what you might feel to be ordinary and mundane, can be viewed by others as beautiful, valuable and virtuous? Moreover Almighty God sees what you are doing and if you are doing good, He sees it as valuable. In fact, the seeds of good work(s) that you are sowing, He promises that it WILL bring a harvest, IF, you do not faint or give up.

The Greek word for "give up" means to "To loose, release, unloose (as a bow-string), relax, enfeeble; pass." What I found interesting about this definition is that it reminded of another word that is related to the bow. That is the word "sin." It is more of a military term that meant in the day of the use of bows and arrows to "miss the mark." In other words, when an archer aimed at a target and missed hitting it with his arrow, his fellow archers would say that he "sinned" or missed the mark.

When we get weary and give up, we miss the mark as well. Instead of getting frustrated by the routine and the seemingly lack of progress, kindly consider seeing this as a test of your resolve. After all, if achieving goals were that easy, everyone would be doing it and with ease. Furthermore, experiencing the harvest will be all that much sweeter and you will fully appreciate it. 

Keep going my friend. Don't give up now. You are likely closer than you think. Look forward to celebrating your harvest with family and friends. Look forward to the feeling of achieving something truly remarkable. In your later days, it will be another cherished memory for you to enjoy.

-John

When You Are At War, Remember More Than One Victory Will Be Won.

 I have been waging a war for myself and generations for a long time, more than five years hence. It has been tough. I have had to grow in many different areas along the way, heal from my wounds and fight while I was still hurting.

After fighting many battles, it would seem that I can see a a ray of light at the end of this war. It is so close that I can taste it to the glory of God. At the same time, I remind myself to stay focused on completing one task at a time to finish the mission.

To be clear, my team has been outstanding, praying for me, giving me the encouragement and coaching needed as I also did the same. We wouldn't have gotten this far without God's help, each other and His excellent "air support."

If you feel tired, discouraged, like you are at the end of your rope, you might even feel like are losing hope and faith. Know that you are not alone. You can do it. Ask God for help, for support, for those who will join with you in prayer. I recommend these things because they work! You do not have to reinvent the wheel. Good soldiers know to use the strategies and tools that have been well-tested over time.

In closing, a well fought war yields many victories that yield fruit that spans over decades and beyond. This is what you are fighting for. This is what you have to took forward to. Don't give up, because it's worth it, and will forever be remembered as your legacy.

-John

My Answer to: "Is there a hope of being married to a good guy?"

"Is there a hope of being married to a good guy for a woman with no good family background or dysfunctional family background?" Thank you for such an honest and self-reflective question. My answer to your question is a resounding “yes,” there is hope. If more people asked such questions, they would likely be better off.

Unfortunately, what being raised in a dysfunctional family does is that it conditions the child to believe that their emotional yardstick is 2 ½ or 4 feet long, rather than the standard 3 feet. Often they will use coping mechanisms to survive, and may not come to the realization for many years that how they were raised wasn’t their fault. When this happens, we should be gentle with ourselves and simply attempt to get the help we need. We should also understand that we do not have to be the people we were in our past. We can learn new things, change, grow and pursue our future with a new understanding and self-awareness. Proverbs 4:7 (NIV) says: 7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. We cannot practice that which we have never learned. I would start with reading great relationship and marriage books. Hardly any of us were formally taught the things that books like these offer. Knowing better, will equip you to do better. Practicing what you learned over-time, will increase your knowledge, give you wisdom and growth. Although books are a great source of knowledge and wisdom, you may find that you require a more robust approach. If so, book an appointment with a mental healthcare professional to assist you in sorting out some of your challenges. Getting emotionally healthy is always a wise decision and will be a great help to you and your future. It will give you confidence and even help you select a better potential life-long partner. -John

The Benefits of Coaching

I have always been in favor of coaching for other people...not necessarily for me, until now. I have a saying, "The more that you try to do, the more help and tools that you will need."

I have been blessed with an amazing coach. She has wonderful ideas, asks me great questions and causes my imagination to fire and think of other ideas. History has proven that some of the most successful CEO's gather the smartest people around them. why? Because a collection of wise men can help you succeed. The Bible says this: Proverbs 15:22(NIV) Plans fall for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. If I were to be honest, people who won't consider getting help from a coach or otherwise, may be struggling with pride. At some point in our lives or another, we all will need help. The opposite of pride is humility. Humility is vital when you are seeking success because the kind of success that spans over generations will require God's blessing. Approaching anyone for help, especially God, will require humility. "Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5 (NIV). Although my coach and I discussed ideas, she wasn't shy to say the "hard" stuff. Truth be told, we all need to hear the "hard" stuff, meaning the things we don't want to hear or don't want to do or stop doing. Whether those words come from a professional life-coach, or innocent five year old we would benefit from listening. Instead of buying something that you will not likely use after three months, or get bored with, why not invest in yourself? Level up and get a coach. When you do, be painfully honest with them. It will be some of the best money you have spent especially in your coming new year. -John

My Answer to: How many are willing to say that you might need more work on your relationship skills, and why?

 It takes 10-14 years to become a medical doctor to practice medicine. It takes approximately 4 years to become a teacher.

It takes about 2-5 years to become a proficient crane operator. These folks will likely work 20-30 years in their chosen careers before they retire.

We learn more about our occupation than how to stay married long after we retire. Most people who get married, usually hope to have a loving 40–50-year relationship. They will likely want to have and raise children, send them to college and retire together in their old age. Yet, in today’s world, most have not read a single book on marriage and relationships. In the Bible, the book of Proverbs 4:7 (NIV) says: The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

Our generations before had different challenges than couples today. Information and disinformation are communicated in real-time; the overall pace of life is faster and more robust. We are finding that we must develop multiple skills to compete in the same marketplace that our parents only needed one skill.

That said, the core value and skills to have relationships are the same as they were in the 40s & 50s. Things like love, kindness, determination, commitment, loyalty, patience, compassion, and empathy. Due to our current culture, these things have been diluted and even disparaged which brings me to my question.

Over the years being married for over 23 years has thrust me into a desire to learn what makes relationships and marriage work. After reading more than 40 books on marriage and relationships and counting. I gently say that it is not just about reading but applying what you have learned that will make all the difference in your life. To date, I still have a desire to learn more. I would have avoided so many mistakes had just added this one element to my life as a young man. It is said people who are readers are usually easy to get along with and have a well-rounded view of life in general.

Imagine if everyone who was engaged to be married read just 5 books on marriage and relationships before getting married? Imagine the pain and anguish that they would avoid if they had learned simple principles that would make their relationship successful from the beginning?

I can attest that had I known then when I first got married what I know now, I would have waited to get married and would have developed more relationship tools in my toolbox before even dating. You cannot use what you have not learned. Learning what you do not know about marriage and relationships in books, audio books, videos, and podcasts is vital. Don’t think so? I challenge you to read just the first three books on my recommended reading list.

-John

My Answer to the Question: "Why is it hard for a man to marry you once you are staying together?"

 

Despite what modern-day women or feminists say, men are the prize, not women. It is a fact that there are more marriage-eligible women than men. More men refuse to marry in the current hostile marital climate making the number of marriage-eligible men even less.

This is likely due to the threat that 84% of all divorces are initiated by women, that the courts and child support system is biased against men, and that whether or not a wife cheats or files for divorce over the most ridiculous reasons, she will likely get half of everything they built during the marriage relationship. This transfer of the man's wealth is forced even though she likely brought very little in terms of assets into the relationship.

That said, he also may not be inclined to marry you because of how you allowed him to treat you. To be honest, men are hunters, and if you didn’t make him work for it, for him the hunt is over. One of the most exciting things about hunting is the challenge brought by the prey.

In the beginning, you probably wouldn’t have given him the time of day. You made him ask you on a date no less than three times before you accepted. When he got the date, the next challenge for him would be the first kiss. Perhaps weeks go by and he finally gets it!

Fast forward, a few dates later you two are behaving like a married couple, you moved in together (Mistake) even though there is no clear commitment, no ring, no date. This is a huge mistake. First marriage cannot be simulated. Second, there is no established committee to stay and work things out no matter what as in a real marital relationship. That said, as far as he’s concerned, he's got his prize. No need to pursue or hunt anymore. Now on to the next hunt. Unfortunately, whatever that is, you can believe, it’s not you anymore.

Ladies, the courting process is the only opportunity that you may have to make him value you and do so for life. If you treat yourself inexpensively, so will he. May I remind you that you are made in the image and likeness of God? It is true, we teach others how to treat us. Have him meet the parents and ask permission! This is still a time-honored tradition in many foreign countries to this day and one that can potentially save you tremendous pain and suffering. Parents have more experience with people and may likely see things that you may miss about your potential partner.

The obvious question may be: “What do men want in a wife? May I suggest as stated by the late Kevin Samuels, that men want women who are:

- Attractive

- Are cooperative, smart, and agreeable

- Fit

- Are affectionate, accommodating, subtle

- Are disciplined and discerning

-Feminine (Not strong and independent)

-Naturally nurturing

- Carefree, loving, easygoing

If this is not you, this could be the answer to your question. If this is so, I would start by reading great marriage and relationship books. You cannot use what you have not learned. If you have issues and know it, get therapy and work on yourself. If you are not fit, go to the gym, and get fit.

To be clear, the competition for a good man is high. There are already ladies that have done the work, who are fit, ready, and likely even younger than you who are competing for the same men. Raise your level to get the type of man that would be willing to marry you, in spite of all the reasons I mentioned that men are comfortable with. May I include offering to sign a prenup that may sweeten the deal if you are truly willing to enter into a marriage covenant for life?

In closing, this next piece of advice is hard. If he’s settled in and there is no sign of a marriage commitment after a year, have him move out into his own place. This time, if he wants you, make him earn you, and goodness sakes, do NOT sleep with him until after the wedding. Women in the past generations understood this principle and nearly all who wanted to be married got married. In best case scenario he will. Better case scenario, he leaves and someone else who is willing to earn you, will!

-John

"Kevin Samuels" - Farewell to An Effective Social Influencer

    By now you may have heard that YouTube Influencer Kevin Samuels has died. May I say to his family and dear friends that I am sorry for your loss. 

    Whatever your opinion of him, good, bad, or indifferent, it is without a doubt that he made an impact on the world. I did not know him like those in his immediate circle. I would have liked to have met him and had an intelligent discussion. It is apparent that those who did know him had great respect for him and his work. I will give my personal summary of him in this post.

    In my initial reaction to his disposition and approach to his many female guests, it was clear that he already had a notion of how the impending conversation was going to go. He would usually give the person (mostly women) an opportunity to state their position on the topic of choice or ask him a question. One of the most intriguing interactions was with a 43-year-old, attractive, elegant woman. The title of the video was "Candid Conversation with "Born Again Virgin" Christian Feminist."

    Mr. Samuels immediately took control of the conversation, as he usually does, and began to gently ask her questions. I was impressed by how patient and present they both were. Contrary to what many, especially women, have said about him, he started very patiently and then began to ask the pointed questions. He let her know that he was a Christian since a boy and appears to have a good handle on what the scripture says. This got my attention. What also captured my attention was the subsequent succinct questions that he followed up with. You can watch the video and make up your own conclusions. However, as you watch the conversation unfolds, it is my opinion that not many women could have stood up to the questions and scrutiny that she endured with such poise and patience.

    Mr. Samuels brings "front and center," the realities that women face who have believed the feminist agenda, worked their careers beyond their childbearing years, and are still unmarried. He has the kind of conversations with women that those who love them should have had. His further comments literally made me laugh out loud which is clearly his appeal to his audience.

    Suffice to say, his voice and his contribution to the dating and relationship space will always be valued, missed, and are still needed. I pray that his relationship with God has yielded his being welcomed in Heaven and I hope to meet him there. Again, my condolences to his family and friends and that we remember him for what he has done while he was with us. God bless you, sir.

-John

It's Happening! "Wormhole Moon II - Paradigm Shift" Is In Editing!

Hello Everyone!

    Thank you for reading my blog. I am very pleased to announce that Wormhole Moon has been a great success being my debut, Amazon 4.4-Star rated, Science Fiction novel. WHM II has entered the editing process. I have waited a very long time to get to the point and I give God all the praise and glory for it.

    I am so excited, I am going to post the first couple of paragraphs here, that's right, right here for your reading enjoyment! I want to thank all of you who have read my first book and have waited patiently for the second. I am grateful for that and I appreciate your patronage. Without further adieu, here are the first few paragraphs.

"Wormhole Moon II - Paradigm Shift," Chapter One

    The effectual alien harbingers of death are embedded in the cold hard Earth like they own it. They have now made the Antarctic their home. The environment is intolerably cold, brutal to naked skin, and wickedly savage to unprotected extremities. Swirling white snow blows over beautifully sculpted snow dunes, making shapes and designs as if by the hands of angels. Surely no one would find them here, or so they thought.

    There is neither sight nor sound of a human soul for one hundred miles. You could yell at the top of your voice and not be heard. Even in this isolated environment, there is not the slightest hint that over one hundred Chemdi-Shakahr (Chem-die Sha-car) are residing there in their half-buried cloaked spaceship. The Chemdi base ship is nestled in the hardened snow and ice of the remote, barren land in the southernmost part of Earth’s hemisphere.

    The base ship is a little over 1500 miles west of the United States Antarctic Program (USAP) base, McMurdo Station, and about 100 miles south of the subglacial Lake Vostok where the Chemdi identified an Earth outpost. The ship is strategically positioned, and to the Chemdi’s knowledge, their presence is so far undetected by the would-be slaves on Earth. Although the Chemdi is space travelers, they are also savage beasts, with their four powerful arms, webbed feet, and four fiery red eyes. [They clothe themselves in long cape-like robes of black adorned with what look like gold and silver-colored stoles as if they were royalty. They have declared themselves enemies of both Meritor and Earth, as directed by the Khorathians. The Khorathians are the leaders of this conflict and having an average age of nearly one thousand Earth years, manage it well. Meritor is Earth’s new and first alien ally. The highly intelligent and more advanced race fought together with Earth to defeat this enemy in their first battle. The Chemdi and their Khorathian leaders underestimated this alliance and will return to avenge their lost warriors. To that end, they will harass and cause the people of Earth to fear them before their second battle plans are complete.

    The Chemdi have observed the indigenous Earth wildlife, but nothing else so far. The ship’s commander is focused on accomplishing what is expected of him by Headquarters. A lone transport ship containing twelve Chemdi rises slowly in a creeping ascent from the -50° surface of the base ship’s deck. It flies through the force field disguising the base. The ship is carrying the supplies necessary for the Chemdi to establish a small stronghold in a secluded area of their choice. They seem to prefer secluded islands, but wildernesses will also do. Their forward reconnaissance team has done well; they know that the Earth is replete with secluded spaces, and they will put them to good use.

    The flight crew scans for enemy contacts, not expecting to find any. They have come to learn that creatures of Earth do not fly at night in this region. They see Earthlings as weak and petty. They have concluded that they tend to act out of fear. They also appear to behave as if they are the center of the universe. They are an arrogant and short-sighted race of beings that the Chemdi has come to despise...Except for one. Although a likely slave in their view, this individual has earned their respect. No other race of beings has disgraced them by destroying an entire ship brimming with Chemdi from the inside as the one they call the Long Weapon Warrior! This is their reference to Major Deon Striker. His heroic and seemingly impossible feat left a bitter taste in the mouths of the Chemdi-Shakahr and their leaders. They all know him by name and if given a chance, will kill him on sight.       

***   

    I hope that you enjoyed it so far. If you did, kindly leave a comment, suggestions, or feedback! I appreciate all who have supported me thus far. Additionally, your requests to make "Wormhole Moon" into a long-play feature film, have not fallen on deaf ears. I am believing for the funding necessary to shoot the two screenplays in succession. I kindly ask that you remember me in your prayers as well. Until next time, thank you again, and may God bless you all.

Kind regards,

-John