1) They do not refer to the Bible and pray for guidance - God is the inventor of marriage. He has the best advice and could help all couples avoid many issues they will face in a marriage-covenant relationship. Don’t leave Him out of your marriage. You make a covenant before God for a reason. The following are some examples. Kindly read them in other versions of the Bible like the Amplified, The Passion Translation or the New International Version.
Proverbs 4:7 (NIV) The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it costs all you have, get an understanding.
If you have yet to be taught or know little about marriage and relationships, I suggest you learn all you can. It will pay great dividends for the entirety of the relationship.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV) 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
Many people are under the misconception that “love” is a feeling. In the context of scripture, love is a verb, something that we choose to do or not do, despite how we are treated or not treated. Our loving someone is not dependent on anything or anyone but ourselves. This is why Jesus can tell us to love our neighbors without knowing them. How much more a spouse?
1 Corinthians 7:5 (NIV) 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
The latest statistics say that 15% of couples in the U.S. suffer from a sexless marriage. If couples are people of integrity and will obey the guidance of the scripture, these numbers would be far less. If there are issues, you both are responsible for engaging and fixing it. This number is likely higher because most people are too embarrassed to discuss it or seek help.
2) They underestimate the power of marriage education - This may be similar to the first tip, but it is not. There are many sources in the form of books, podcasts, videos, and audiobooks that you could listen to on your commute to work. Weekly or monthly listening or reading time can add value and knowledge to your relationship skills.
Did you know that “coupling” is a skill? Did you know that your brain disables your ability to reason in the throws of a heated argument? You will learn these powerful things and more if you commit to it.
Finally, remember marriage seminars and retreats. They say couples should try to attend one per year.
3) They forget that mature adults communicate rather than guess or make assumptions - Marriage is for mature adults, and intelligent couples are fully aware of this. They know that communication in an intimate relationship vastly differs from how they communicate with family and friends.
They might also forget that active listening is the “key” component to effective communication. You may discover that developing an advanced method of listening to your partner versus to everyone else will make your relationship smoother and you will experience less conflicts. Once you achieve this, you will find it will work even better with family and friends. You will learn these tools and more from your marriage and relationship education.
4) Your relationship education should be obtained before you need it - How ridiculous would it be to have a town of 1200 people and no Fire Department? You would typically plan for this during the planning stage of your community. Likewise, learning and mastering relationship tools and skills before you need them is similar. When things go awry to the point where you discuss attending counseling, it may be too late. The kicker is you will likely be assigned books to read between your sessions anyway (I was).
5) Coming to terms with finances - Where there is mutual trust, let the more skilled person handle the finances. Of course, all decisions should be clearly understood and agreed upon. You should know your style of handling money if not in the dating stage, but certainly in the engagement stage. Some people are savers; some are spenders.
Again, there are great resources that you both should have a baseline understanding of so you can speak the same language. There are great courses online or at a community college. It would be something you could do together.
In closing, this was a great question. I hope this helped. If so, kindly leave a comment below. Thank you.
-John
No comments:
Post a Comment